Last night at CLC I spoke about dealing with grudges/resentments. What do you do with the hurt in your life from being offended?
Many people go through their lives hanging on to hurts. In fact, many pastors I know are still nursing wounds from pastorates long, long ago. They say, along with David...
Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. (Psalm 73:13)
There's a way to deal with resentment and hurt. Dwelling on it, talking about it, reliving it—this isn't the solution. Looking for ways to get even isn't the solution. But I'll tell you what has worked for me. When I find myself reliving past hurts this is what I remind myself to do.
Don't talk about it. Most of us have been told that talking about such things will help with the "healing process" but in my case it only makes things worse. The less I talk about offences, the easier it is to get through them.
Do pray about it. I ask God to change my heart, and I ask him to pour blessings on whoever it is I resent.
Look for a chance to do good. I know a pastor who sends a check each year to a contentious church he served years ago—it's a step towards saying "I regret the hard feelings that developed between us."
Most of all, Let it go. We have to make a conscious decision: "I am not going to hang on to that any longer." Sometimes we have to "let it go" 10, 15, 20 times a day. However many times it takes, keep doing it until it works.
Resentment isn't worth it. Hanging on to hurts won't help those hurts heal any faster—but it will rob you of joy today. Let it go.
Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. (Psalm 73:1)
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VULNERABILITY!!! ARE YOU KIDDING?!?! YOU TAWKIN TA ME?!?! JESUS ENTRUSTED HIMSELF TO NO MAN B/C HE KNEW WHAT WAS IN THEIR HEARTS. I WAS IN MARRIAGE CLASS LAST NIGHT & I LEARNED THAT OUR INABILITY TO OPEN TO ONE ANOTHER IS NOT B/C WE KNOW THEY ARE UNTRUSTWORTHY WITH SUCH TREASURES, BUT THAT WE ARE BENT ON WATCHING FOR SIN INSTEAD OF RIGHTEOUSNESS. PERHAPS OPENING UP TO SOMEONE IS MORE OF AN HONOR, A GIVING OF SELF IN LOVE INSTEAD OF A WORK OF OBLIGATION TO SOMEONE WHO IS GOOD ENOUGH TO DESERVE IT. B/C EVEN AT OUR BEST, WE ARE ALL FAULTY & UNTRUSTWORTHY OF SUCH A DEEP TREASURE. I AM PRAYING THAT GOD MAKES ME PURELY GIVING TO THE MOST NEEDY & UNDESERVING SO THAT GRACE WILL HAVE ITS PLACE IN ALL THE PARTS OF MY HEART. I ALSO FIND THAT EVERYONE IS NEEDY & UNDESERVING (INCLUDING ME) AND "WHERE SIN ABOUNDS, GRACE ABOUNDS SO MUCH MORE". I'M SOOOO GLAD GOD UNDERSTANDS US SOOOO WELL & PRE-GIFTED OUR NEEDS WITH GRACE TO SUSTAIN US!!
Not talking about it... I was wondering, isn't the potential greater for keeping it bottled inside allow it to eat away at you and give Satan a foothold? Isn't talking about the experience to those close to you help you be authentic and vulnerable?
I also hope you address in your message this week the fine line between being risking to be vulnerable and becoming a doormat.
I find it intersting you only chose the one verse in Pslams 73.
You see if you read the entire chapter, it is about letting it go and letting God. It is not about getting over it, it is about taking the struggles of being envious of the world and for how they get away with things (or so it seems)This chapter is about the struggle, but then the realization that you have a choice, you can desire what the world has to offer, or you can claim what God has to offer.
There is nothing wrong with talking about an issue, but the line get's crossed when you are not talking but being envious of what happened, and allowing hurt turn to anger, then to resentment. This is where the line crosses and the hurt is now causing you to sin.
If you look at Pslam 73, you see the struggles and how resentment could easily start, but the realization is our God is God, and we can choose to hold on, or give it to God and allow him to deal with it how he sees fit.
In regards to Micheeles question, accountability is important. You are not a door mat, we should hold everyone to the standards of the bible, but before you do it you need to ask yourself, am I doing this with God's heart and a heart of love to see a person grow from this hurt I feel, or am I angry and doing it with spite. Thats the difference you need to look at.
I encourage everyone to read Psalms chapter 73 and see what David was going through, it is quite remarkable.
If I truly trust in the Father. How could I possibly suffer as a doormat? What might be perceived as being a doormat to man, may very well be the Father at work in another. My heart shouts “Use me Lord”.
It doesn’t matter what anyone including ourselves perceive. Just what the Lord says, about us. If He says I’m this, I’m this. If He says I’m that. I’m that.
I’ve talked about my childhood hurts for almost 40yrs. I would hear, “let it out” “get it out”. Who get it out, me???? ME fix ME. Not going to happen.
How it happen for me is allowing Jesus in me more, and more. Starting in the morning, reading or listening to God’s Word. Staying in Prayer throughout the day. By putting more of God in me, the junk from my past starts emptying out. I can get this hurt out without talking about it.
Reminds me of the Glass of Water analogy I heard. Take a tall glass of dirt (dirt represents all the junk in your life that you’ve heard, seen, experienced (sin). Put it under a sink start running the water into it (Water represents the Word of God). After a while that dirt (sin) will start to go away. That dirt could also be all the hurt you’ve experienced in your life.
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